IAN PAISLEY (9/12/2014)
Politician, Religious Leader and General Sh*t Stirrer in Northern Ireland. Age 88.
Actually, Paisley is the new black.
RICHARD KIEL (9/10/2014)
Actor. Age 74.
Richard Kiel(ed over).
JOAN RIVERS (9/4/2014)
Comedian. Age 81.
"Can we talk?" Well, not anymore actually.
RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH (8/24/2014)
Actor, Director, Producer. Age 90.
The Great Escape.
DON PARDO (8/18/2014)
TV Announcer. Age 96.
Sank you, Don Pardo.
LAUREN BACALL (8/12/2014)
Actress. Age 89.
The Big Sleep.
ROBIN WILLIAMS (8/11/2014)
Comedian, Actor. Age 63.
Mortality, What a Concept.
JAMES BRADY (8/4/2014)
Press Secretary under Ronald Reagan. Age 73.
Here's a story of a man named Brady...The End.
JAMES GARNER (7/19/2014)
Actor. Age 86.
ELAINE STRITCH (7/17/2014)
Actress. Age 89.
JOHNNY WINTER (7/16/2014)
Musician. Age 70.
Does this make it Spring?
EDUARD SHEVARDNADZE (6/28/2014)
President of Georgia. Age 86.
Who even knew Georgia had a President. Peanuts, yup. Peaches, sure. Coca Cola and CNN, you bet. But a Communist President? Crazy.
MESHACH TAYLOR (6/28/2014)
Actor. Age 67.
Ya know, in the bible Meshach was saved by devine intervention. Of course in that instance it was Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace and not colorectal cancer.
HOWARD BAKER (6/26/2014)
Senator, Majority Leader, White House Chief of Staff. Age 88.
The Great Conciliator could have used a great resuscitator.
ELI WALLACH (6/24/2014)
Actor. Age 98.
The One Jake? The Good and The Bad? The Magnificent Six? Just not the same without Eli.
TONY GWYNN (6/16/2014)
Baseball Player. Age 54.
Mr. Padre needs a padre.
CASEY KASEM (6/15/2014)
Disc Jockey, Voice of Shaggy. Age 82.
Coming in at 82 this week, a hit some of you have been waiting for....
CHUCK NOLL (6/13/2014)
Football Coach. Age 82.
They'll chuck Noll in a burying hole.
RUBY DEE (6/12/2014)
Actress. Age 91.
Baseball Player, Manager, Coach. Age 83.
ANN B. DAVIS (6/1/2014)
Alice. Age 88.
Alice doesn't live here anymore. In fact...
MAYA ANGELOU (5/28/2014)
Author and Poet. Age 86.
I Know Why the Caged Bird Doesn't Sing.
The Heart of a Woman...Stopped.
Going to Retrieve A Song Flung Up to Heaven.
EFREM ZIMBALIST JR. (5/2/2014)
Actor. Age 95.
The F.B.I. (Finally Been Interred).
BOB HOSKINS (4/29/2014)
Actor. Age 71.
Nope, it wasn't non-hodgkin's lymphoma; it was Bob Hoskins pneumonia.
RUBIN "HURRICANE" CARTER (4/20/2014)
Boxer. Age 76.
Apparently the Hurricane was recently downgraded.
GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ (4/17/2014)
Writer. Age 87.
An eternity of solitude now.
MICKEY ROONEY (4/6/2014)
Actor. Age 93.
Death Finds Andy Hardy.
FRED PHELPS (3/19/2014)
Westboro Baptist Pastor. Age 84.
Gee, what a pity (*sarcasm*).
DAVID BRENNER (3/15/2014)
Comedian. Age 78.
We're surprised a secret sex tape hasn't surfaced yet.
Brenner certainly did Johnny Carson enough times.
HAROLD RAMIS (2/24/2014)
Actor, Producer, Screen Writer. Age 69.
I ain't 'fraid I'm a ghost.
GARRICK UTLEY (2/20/2014)
TV Journalist. Age 74.
Dead from the Met.
RALPH WAITE (2/13/2014)
Actor. Age 85.
Good night John-Boy.
SID CAESER (2/12/2014)
Comedian. Age 91.
I come to bury Caesar...
SHIRLEY TEMPLE BLACK (2/10/2014)
Child Star. Ambassador. Age 85.
It's a sweet trip to her final stop...
RALPH KINER (2/6/2014)
Voice of the Mets. Age 91.
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN (2/2/2014)
Actor. Age 46.
We suspect we'll actually see LESS Hoffman now.
MAXIMILIAN SCHELL (2/1/2014)
Actor. Age 83.
A Schell of his former self.
ARTHUR RANKIN (1/30/2014)
Director, Producer, Wrtier. Age 89.
Mad Monster Party remains one of the best pieces of animation work ever made, period!
PETE SEEGER (1/27/2014)
Folk Singer, Musician. Age 94.
A time to be born; a time to die.
DAVE MADDEN (1/16/2014)
Reuben Kincaid. Age 82.
Somethin' always happens whenever we're together...
RUSSELL JOHNSON (1/16/2014)
The Professor. Age 89.
No pulse, no breath, no motor skills...
ARIEL SHARON (1/11/2014)
Israeli Statesman, General and Prime Minister. Age 85.
Not unlike 2003, Ariel has once again made a move for unilateral disengagement.
RUN RUN SHAW (1/6/2014)
Media Mogul. Age 106.
You can run run but you can't hide hide.
PHIL EVERLY (1/3/2014)
An Everly Brother. Age 76.
He fell asleep, his goose is cooked, his respiration is shot.
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