Look Who's Not Talking
(or breathing)



VACLAV HAVEL (12/18/2011)
Author/Journalist. Age 75.
...and then the Reaper says, "Czech please!"





KIM JONG IL (12/17/2011)
North Korean "Supreme Leader". Age 70.
No, no, no, Kim Jong DEAD!





CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS (12/15/2011)
Author/journalist. Age 62.
Having once said his favorite virtue was, "An appreciation for irony," we can only imagination his satisfaction as he explained the quote to Saint Peter.





HARRY MORGAN (12/7/2011)
Actor. Age 96.
Sure there was M*A*S*H and Dragnet, but we'll always remember Harry for the way he could give Mrs. Morgan the back of his hand.





PATRICE O'NEAL (11/29/2011)
Comedian/Actor. Age 41.
What a shame, he had such a way with the ladies.





HEAVY D (11/8/2011)
Rapper. Age 44.
Heavy D(emise)





BIL KEANE (11/8/2011)
Cartoonist. Age 89.






SMOKIN' JOE FRAIZER (11/7/2011)
Boxer. Age 67.
I am leaving, I am leaving but the boxer is remains.





ANDY ROONEY (11/4/2011)
Annoying Sixty Minutes Guy. Age 92.
Even Fewer Minutes with Andy Rooney.





MU'AMMAR AL-QADDHAFI (10/20/2011)
Libyan Leader and generally bad egg. Age 69.
We thought you might enjoy some of Mu'ammar's more colorful quotes (and yes, he really said this crap):

-"Democracy means permanent rule."
-"Protest however you want, but do not go out onto the streets and squares."
-I am not a dictator and I wont close Facebook but I will arrest anyone who will log on to it!
-"Were it not for electrcity, we would have to watch television in the dark."

And our personal favorote, "Please, don't shoot!"




AL DAVIS (10/8/2011)
Contoversial Oakland Raiders Owner. Age 82.
On his death bed, Davis was reportedly heard to mutter to his loved ones, "Sue the NFL, I'm sure there's blame there somewhere."





STEVE JOBS (10/5/2011)
Apple Co-Founder, Genius. Age 56.
An Apple a day may keep the doctor away but the cancer, not so much.





DOLORES HOPE (9/19/2011)
Singer/Actress. Age 102.
Sheesh, we were promised Hope and Change. Things aren't looking so good.





ELEANOR MONDALE (9/17/2011)
Radio/TV Personality. Age 51.
Remember all that stuff she did in the '90s? Yeah, neither do we.





FRANCES BAY (9/15/2011)
Actress. Age 92.
Unhappy Gilmore.





CLIFF ROBERTSON (9/10/2011)
Actor. Age 88.
Sorry Charly.





JERRY LEIBER (8/22/2011)
Lyrycist. Age 78.
Yakety Yak won't talk back.





HUGH CAREY (8/7/2011)
Former Governor of New York. Age 92.
At a time when New York teetered on bankruptcy and New York City all but went bankrupt, Carey cut taxes significantly, reduced corporate taxes from 14 percent to 10 percent, capped personal income tax at nine percent, and reduced capital gains taxes. He is generally credited with saving the state and, more so, the city. And to think he was a Democrat! Man, have times changed.




AMY WINEHOUSE (7/23/2011)
Singer. Age 27.
It's always unfortunate when young girls lose a role model...





SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ (7/12/2011)
TV Producer. Age 94.
Ooh! My nose! (and my heart!)





BETTY FORD (7/8/2011)
First Lady, Clinic Founder. Age 93.
Found on road, dead.





PETER FALK (6/23/2011)
Actor. Age 83.
What a great career. The guy was just fantastic. Fantastic!
"The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefits."





CLARENCE CLEMONS (6/18/2011)
Musician. Age 69.
...This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap. Well, it's most certainly a death trap.





JAMES ARNESS (6/3/2011)
Actor. Age 88.
James, this is most certainly not how the West was won.





JACK KEVORKIAN (6/3/2011)
Dr. Death. Age 83.
Reportedly, his last words were, "Nurse, can I get some assistance in here."





JEFF CONAWAY (5/27/2011)
Actor and addict. Age 60.
Tell me more, tell me more...Did I do too much drugs?





"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE (5/20/2011)
Wrestler. Age 58.
Macho, Macho Man! I want to be a...Hmm, not really.





HARMON KILLEBREW (5/17/2011)
Baseball Great. Age 74.
Hammerin' Harmon got nailed.





SEVE BALLESTEROS (5/7/2011)
Golfer. Age 54.
Golf is a perfectly nice walk spoiled by a little white ball....and a brain tumor.





JACKIE COOPER (5/3/2011)
Actor. Age 88.
Shucks Miss Crabtree, I can't catch my breath when I think of you. Uh, really!





OSAMA BIN LADEN (5/2/2011)
Class "A" wanker. Age 54.
Thank goodness the Pakastani's were helping us find him, right?





SIDNEY LUMET (4/9/2011)
Director, Prodcuer, Writer. Age 86.
Make that 11 Angry Men.






GERALDINE FERRARO (3/26/2011)
Politician & first female VP candidate for a major party. Age 75.
All things considered (and in spite of the financial semi-scandal), Geraldine was a grounded, even-handed, forthright lady. Why she ever agreed to run with that putz Mondale is beyond us.





ELIZABETH TAYLOR (3/23/2011)
Actress. Age 79.
"A Place In The Sun" really defined Liz as a solid, adult actress. Now-a-days however, a place in the sun would just make Liz kinda rotten and smelly.





WARREN CHRISTOPHER (3/18/2011)
Former Deputy Secretary of State & Former Secretary of State. Age 85.
We're guessing Warren figured that, with a Democrat in office he'd be back in the State Department eventually. Then he died of embarrassment.





MICHAEL GOUGH (3/17/2011)
Actor. Age 94.
Holy croaking butler's Batman!





RUBY MUHAMMAD (3/2/2011)
"Mother of the Nation Of Islam." Age 103.
The anagram......Bury Mamma, Duh!





JANE RUSSELL (2/28/2011)
Actress. Age 89.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Gentlemen Marry Brunettes, and, of course, Gentlemen Bury Silvers.





BETTY GARRETT (2/12/2011)
Actress. Age 91.
Although she was once Red, she's moved toward the blue, indigo, violet end of things recently.





CHARLIE CALLAS (1/27/2011)
Comedian and actor. Age 83.
During an appearance at a celebrity roast for Frank Sinatra, Charlie was introduced as Frank's former bodyguard. He came out in a gangster suit with a wide white tie and broad brimmed gangster hat. As part of the routine, he placed his hat over his heart and, looking upward, he said, Id like to say hello to Franks friends. Now, he can say hello in person.




CHARLIE LOUVIN (1/26/2011)
Country music singer/songwriter. Age 83.
"The Only Way Out (Is to Walk Over Me)"





JACK LALANNE (1/23/2011)
Fitness guru. Age 96.
"First we inspire them, then we perspire them." Uh, then we expire them....





SARGENT SHRIVER (1/18/2011)
Politician and activist. Age 95.
He was the driving force behind and the first director of the Peace Corps. Now he's both at peace and a corpse. What a coincidence.





DON KIRSHNER (1/17/2011)
Song publisher and music producer. Age 76.
He was known as The Man With Golden Ear. Boy will the grave robbers be disappointed.





GERRY RAFFERTY (1/4/2011)
Musician. Age 63.
And when you wake up it's a new mornin'
The sun is shinin' it's a new morning
You're goin', you're goin' home.



PETE POSTLETHWAITE (1/2/2011)
Actor. Age 64.
It was one of The Usual Suspects. Cancer.





ANNE FRANCIS (1/2/2011)
Actress. Age 80.
Besides her work in Forbidden Planet, she starred in More Dead Than Alive. A title she is now reprising.



Back to the Archives