(Well, at least one)

ARNOLD STANG (12/20/09) Actor. Age 91. Unfortunately, the pneumonia stang worse.

JENNIFER JONES (12/17/09) Actress. Age 90. A Farewell To Arms (and legs, and heads, and torsos..)

ROY DISNEY (12/16/09) Executive at the Walt Disney Company. Age 79. When you wish upon a star.....you still croak.

ORAL ROBERTS (12/15/09) Evangelist. Age 91. We've heard of an oral fixation but an oral cremation?

GENE BARRY (12/9/09) Actor. Age 90. Gene.....bury.

CLAUDE LEVI-STRAUSS (10/30/09) Anthropologist. Age 100. Although a Structuralist, his current structure is in rather poor shape.

LOU JACOBI (10/23/09) Actor. Age 95. Everything you always wanted to know about death but were afraid to ask.

SOUPY SALES (10/22/09) Comedian? Age 83. Waiter, there are flies in my Soupy.

LOU ALBANO (10/14/09) Wrestler, manager, actor. Age 76. Wrestling, so what? Cyndi Lauper tie-in, who cares? But any dude who played MARIO in the Super Mario Bros. Super Show rocks in our book. Too bad his heartbeat is in another castle.

WILLIAM SAFIRE (9/27/09) Author, columnist, journalist. Age 79. Sure he was a cunning linguist, but this time he got licked.

SUSAN ATKINS (9/24/09) Mansonite, Murderer. Age 61. "Pork"

MARY TRAVERS (9/16/09) Folk Singer. Age 72. Where have all the graveyards gone? Oh, here's one now.

PATRICK SWAYZE (9/14/09) Actor. Age 57. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! (Except the cancer).

ARMY ARCHERD (9/8/09) Entertainment Columist. Age 87. So much for having a standing Army.

TED KENNEDY (8/25/09) Yet another Kennedy. Age 77. Once you get past the cheating and expulsion from Harvard, the covering-up of William Kennedy's mistreatment of the ladies, and the killing of Mary Joe Kopechne, he was quite the loveable little drunk.

ROBERT NOVAK (8/18/09) Columnist/Commentator. Age 78. He converted from moderate to conservative, from Judaism to Catholicism, and finally, from living to dead.

LES PAUL (8/13/09) Guitar great. Age 94. Les Paul indeed.

EUNICE KENNEDY SHRIVER (8/11/09) Founded Special Olympics. Age 88. When once asked, "What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?" Her response was, "Not being retarded you f**kwad.".

JOHN HUGHES (8/6/09) Director/Writer. Age 59. Pretty in black too.

CORAZON AQUINO (8/1/09) Former Philippine President. Age 76. "People Power" is great, but radiation seed implantation can help also.

WALTER CRONKITE (7/17/09) Newsman. Age 92. From the "Most Trusted Man" in America to the "Most Crusted Man in America."

ROBERT MCNAMARA (7/6/09) Secretary of Defense. Age 93. Hmm, an architect of the Vietnam War and a fella who, as World Bank Chairman, spearheaded efforts related to health, food, and education projects in developing nations. Aptly, his middle name was Strange. Look it up.

KARL MALDEN (7/1/09) Actor. Age 97. Great actor. Great family man. All around amazing actor. Okay, you can go back to the VH-1 tribute for the child molester now...We're doomed.

BILLY MAYS (6/28/09) Huckster. Age 50. After numerous years of selling it, Billy bought it.

MICHAEL JACKSON (6/25/09) Singer. Age 50. Because you're dead, you're dead, we know it. Nah. How about one that's right to the point instead......Beat it!

FARRAH FAWCETT (6/25/09) Sex Symbol/Actress. Age 62. Well, that's one way to fix a leaking Fawcett.

ED MCMAHON (6/23/09) Sidekick. Age 86. Here's hoping that heaven is filled with apples and asses....the shining and kissing are about to begin.

DAVID CARRADINE (6/3/09) Actor. Age 72. Last seen hanging around a Bangkok Hotel.

DOM DELUISE (5/4/09) Actor/Comedian. Age 75. The End.

JACK KEMP (5/2/09) Politician. Age 73. Jack Kemp, room temp.

BEA ARTHUR (4/25/09) Actress. Age 86. That old body posin', coffin closin', everything is decomposin'....Good-bye Maude.

MARILYN CHAMBERS (4/12/09) Porn Star. Age 56. After all those years of making others stiff...

NATASHA RICHARDSON (3/18/09) Actress. Age 45. Odd. According to Perry Como you're supposed to CATCH a Falling Star.

RON SILVER (3/15/09) Actor and activist. Age 62. Hi-ho Silver....Away.

PAUL HARVEY (2/28/09) Radio Personality. Age 90. Darn, now we'll never know the rest of the story.

WENDY RICHARD (2/26/09) Actress. Age 65. Are you being preserved?

EDWARD UPWARD (2/13/09) Author. Age 105. Edward Upward. Way upward.

JAMES WHITMORE (2/6/09) Author. Age 87. We know he'll go into the land. And the land he'll go into is grand.

GUY HUNT (1/30/09) Politician. Age 75. Bye Hunt

JOHN UPDIKE (1/27/09) Author. Age 76. Rabbit is RIP.

ANDREW WYETH (1/16/09) Artist. Age 91. An anagram related to this death....WHY WE RANTED.

RICARDO MONTALBAN (1/14/09) Actor. Age 88. "I, on the other hand, am in a position to grant nothing."

PATRICK MCGOOHAN (1/13/09) Actor. Age 80. Number Six (feet under).

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