THE O.B.E. MAIL BAG

This portion of the O.B.E is dedicated to those of you who are among the living. During the course of the year, feel free to e-mail the O.B.E. with thoughts, opinions, and general fun stuff. By the way, if this is your first time here, you may want to read this page from the bottom up!

STUART HAS A QUESTION (12/15/00)

MARVIN M.:

My wife bought a calendar for me a few years ago. It was a page-a-day calendar. Each day featured a person who died on this date in history, cause of death and a brief summary of who this person was. This was the coolest calendar ever. Do you know where I can get another calendar like this?

THE GUYS:

We don't know where to get such a calander but the AP does publish "Today in history" each day. This often includes deaths. Your best bet for finding funny, interesting celebrity death stuff is, of course, to play in the 2001 O.B.E.




MARVIN M. CHIMES IN (12/5/00)

MARVIN M.:

Guess Chris Antley, 1999's Kentucky Derby winner passing on Dec 2 didn't make it to the AP finish line? Is it because he's short? I'll bet 2-1 his jockstrap was bigger than yours.

THE GUYS:

Actually, Matt had the pleasure of seeing Antley race many times while living in CA. And he did, in fact, have a chance to compare jockstraps with him on one occasion in at Del Mar racetrack in San Diego. The funny thing is that they wore exactly the same size jock. Isn't it interesting how the things in life resurface at just correct moments.




TEAM REAPER HAS AN IDEA (12/5/00)

TEAM REAPER:

I have a suggestion of what to name the 2001 Dead Folk Page.

In keepng with your Movie title pun theme.....and because of my admiration for the late Peter Sellers, my suggestion is:

Not Being There....(or anywhere for that matter).

THE GUYS:

Uh, leave the humor to us.




JEN H. HEARD A RUMOR (11/13/00)

JEN:

Did Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 die in a car accident last week?.

THE GUYS:

Mark Hoppus is alive and well. He may be an Enema of the State, but he ain't road kill.




LEANNE IS ANXIOUS (10/20/00)

LEANNE:

I didn't see Julie London's name on your web page. She was the nurse on the show "Emergency".

Also, "The Cars" guitarist Benjamin Orr died a few weeks ago. You know that song "Let's Go". I guess he took it literally.

THHE GUYS:

We'll be posting Ms. London shortly. A bulletin is already out. As for Mr. Orr, well.........We recognize the celebrity of The Cars.....and if it were Ric Ocasick we'd post......But who the hell has really heard on Benjamin Orr, ya know.




MIRACLE F. IS A FIRST TIME WRITER (10/20/00)

MIRACLE:

I'm new at this and am eager to participate in the 2001 death watch. So, do you start accepting celbrity death list on Oct. 31 or are they due by Oct. 31? Just a stupid question that's been bothering me...

THHE GUYS:

It's like this......On October 31, 2000 we'll post the rules for the 2001 O.B.E. They'll look remarkably like the rules for the 2000 O.B.E. but they'll say 2001 alot more. Read 'em anyway. We'll accept entries at any time from October 31, 2000 on. However, most folks wait until the end of the year as a death between entry time and New Years puts you at a disadvantage (as the rules explain).

So, please send an entry some time before midnight December 31, 2000. If you can find it in your heart (but you don't have to!), also send $2. We use all donations to pay for the P.O. Box, the other prizes, and the main prize itself. But remeber, a donation IS NOT required to play (that keeps us outta jail).

We look forward to seeing you play in 2001. We also look forward to seeing you on 34th Street during the upcoming holiday season.

MIRACLE:

Thanks for the quick response. It took me a while to get that 34th street joke. I was like, "Do they live in San Francisco too?" Then I got the joke. Okay, bye.




SAD NEWS ABOUT DAVID G. (10/19/00)

MIKE R:

To all my favorite dead-pool commissioners and organizers: I hate to do this in such a non-personal way of e-mail, but a daughter of David G. (M.T. Graves, Cadaver Dogg, etc.) requested of me to try get the word out about his deteriorating health.

I posted a fairly long message about it on the stiffs.com message board. If you haven't navigated around stiffs.com, go there (to www.stiffs.com) and click on "Interaction" then "alt.stiffs.com." I'm pretty sure anybody can call it up.




CRAP, IT'S MORGUENOLIA (9/28/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

I was very upset indeed when I read the news that Dr. Henry Weston passed into the great eternal on this glorious day. His practice actually started here in the deep woods section of the lowah' end of the Okechobee. I remember his grand-pappy, Ole Henry "sawbones" Weston the first tellin' us all how his grandson had a knack with the nether regions of a womans body. I had no idea that that blasphemous old fool was just trying to get into my nether regions while my blessed late husband, Hudsucker "Cannonball" Lee was a fightin in the big war between the states. Why ole sawbones used to come callin up to the old front porch yellin "Morguenoooooooooolia, I got a confederate sword that I think you might have some interest in" when he actually just would stand there with his knickers down and what looked more like a pocket knife pokin out in front. Oh......we'd laugh and drink ice tea under the bend of a beautiful branch of the old chinaberry tree that was set back by the crik near the hangin tree. We'd laugh until we forgot why we was there in the anywhoooo..oh I can't write anymore! Seems some younguns from across the crik have come to share some time with me.....nope, just drinkin beers and yellin cuss words at me from the side of the house. Well, I'll sign off now as I got a pair of hosiery in the icebox that should be ready to put on as it is hot as an old man with a pocket knife in his pants down here in Florida today.

THE GUYS:

It's been a while since you sent your last email and we've been a bit slow in responding. We sincerely apologize for that fact. With those pleasantries out of the way, may we once and for all clearly state that we at the O.B.E., as well as all of the non-inbred world, would like you to just rot. Have a great day. Hope ya croak.




THE RETURN OF MARSHA (WE MISSED HER!) (9/13/00)

MARSHA:

I just know you guys have been wondering about my "whereabouts" and I know how much you worry about your followers, so I have to take the time to tell you that I am still here. I have not died, simply to get a slash through a name on my list, not that I picked myself or anything...and would you publish it anyway??.... I'm not famous by your requirements by any means. However,now that I'm on that subject, I think you should maybe acknowledge those of us who don't get even one death right on our list. I'm not alone here...I've seen the other hopeless lists. We are the people that the "Celebs" should be inviting into their homes simply because naming them on our death list assures them of another full and healthy year of life!! What's up with Mike R.??? Is he on the take with the devil(or God) or what Am I on to something here? Let's go to my home address now if we could. I am traveling so much these days that the mail does not get read unless I'm willing to open it from my room at 1:00 A.M from a very popular hotel in Tibet. If this is going into your mailbag, for our public to read, I will e-mail you the new address later. Afterall, who would want just anybody sending messages to IHATECINDYANDJAN@SAMTHEBUTCHERS.COM these days. I do have children you know...

THE GUYS:

A pleasure to hear from you. We've been wondering about our "audience" as things seem to have slowed down at O.B.E. Central recently. Glad to hear at least one of our Death Watchers is alive.

As for recognizing those folks who don't land a single hit, we do! At the end of the year we look over the lists and each time we get to one without a single hit we loudly state, "Check out this loser." We hope that makes each player in the running for last place compelled to try harder next year.

Mike R., we've been told, is an extraordinary player in several Dead Pools on the web. Plus, he studies voodoo. Let us be clear, we see no correlation between these juxtaposed facts.

Finally, in regards to the title of this email which cleverly reads "Tibet spelled backwards is tebit," we have this to say: It may not make much sense now, but it sure seemed funny at the time. You have no idea how many times we've had to tell that one to a judge.

MARSHA:

Sorry it took so long to respond. I think Alice and Sam have either died (damn...didn't have them on my list either) or they are living in sin on some remote island. They had a hard life though...serving all those Brady's, so they deserve it!! as for Cindy the slut....still on the streets, last time I got a letter from Mike and Carol. Some parents just can't get it right!!! Okay, I'm willing to take the LOSER title. Now that I know there are many people out there (at least 13) that are grateful I put them on my list, I can live with that thought. It's a sure fire way to stay alive for another year. I'll try harder in 2001. In the meantime, I'm off to Mexico for two weeks at the end of the month. I'll work on my list while basking on the beach. Maybe some poor soul should start putting his house in order, as I have to hit at least once next year!!!




TROY ON ROD (9/8/00)

TROY:

Hey -a group of guys get together every Thursday night in KC for a 'Death Watch' game. They take bets and let every one ride until somebody 'pays (kicks) off.' Someone hit Walter Matthau, and Sir Alec Guiness (both worth about 80 bucks.) Now living in Chicago, I phone the bar and place my bet by proxy.

Is there any kind of satellite-organization we can belong to?

P.S. -My money's on Rod Steiger for the next big pay-off. After 'Crazy in Alabama' and 'End of Days,' what does he have to live for?

THE GUYS:

Sorry Troy.....Ours is but a yearly pool. As for Steiger, he's just fine.




HUH? (9/4/00)

CHRIS D.:

On behalf of Bill N., he apologizes. And Marvin needs to relax. Who cares if you guys spell Kentucky wrong? I guess the only people who worry about it are those 14 year old who are trying to marry their sister. Which leads me to a joke....

If a couple divorces in Arkansas, after the divorce, are they still brother and sister? Maybe Morguenolia could give us the answer since she lives in the heart of backwater country of the South.

What are the odds on next year's pool and who might win?




KEVIN WANTS HIS POINTS!!! (9/4/00)

KEVIN.:

I have seen obituaries in the newspaper for Carl Barks - the Disney cartoonist who drew Donald Duck comic books and created the character Scrooge McDuck.

I have not noticed an obituary from the A.P., but figured you'd be able to find it if there was one.

In any case, I selected Carl Barks as one of my candidates, and he is my only 'victory' to date. Let me know if you find an A.P. obit, and can give me credit for my pick.

THE GUYS:

Ooops. He sure was posted in the AP. You're being credited right now!




BILL N. CALLED US A NASTY NAME (8/8/00)

BILL N.:

WHERE'S YOUR ALEC REPORT YOU ASSWIPES??

THE GUYS:

Look here you two bit piece of camel chewed monkey crap:

A bulletin on Alec Guinness went out on August 6, 2000 and was received by the mailing list. So, either you've been bumped from the mailing list or you're too f**king stupid to read. If we were betting Guys, we'd take the latter. Any time you want to pop your head outta your ass and send us an apology is fine. If you don't wanna do that, well at least bite the inside of your colon once for us once. Hard.

Dickweed.




MARVIN M. IS EASILY ANGERED (8/5/00)

MARVIN M.:

SPELL THE F**KING WORD KENTUCKY CORRECT BUTTLICKS

THE GUYS:

All that aggression can't be healthy. Might we recommend some yogi (oops that's yoga). Although, a few hours with that crafty bear and his cuddly side kick might do you well too.




BILL A. ASKS A QUESTION (7/29/00)

BILL A.:

HOW DO THE DEAD MAKE YOUR LIST ? MEREDITH MACRE DIED AND I DON'T SEE HER ON YOUR DEAD FOLK? SHE WAS PRETTY POPULAR BACK IN THE LATE SIXTIES /EARLY SEVENTIES !



JUST WONDERING !!!!

LOVE YOUR WEB SITE !! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

THE GUYS:

It's kinda our choice. Here's how we do it. Big names will always get posted. Minor names will get posted if they're funny (to us). ANy death that appears on a list AND is reported in the AP gets posted. Thus you see a Gordon Solie (who would never have been posted if he weren't on two lists) and not a Meredith (Merry Death) McRae.




KEVIN M. POINTS OUT THAT WE MISSED A STIFF (7/20/00)

KEVIN M.:

It appears that you missed that Bill B has Nancy Marchand on his list. He score should have 1 more death and 5 more points.

PS: Since none of my picks are kicking off, I have to live vicariously through others.

THE GUYS:

You're right. What a screw up on our part. Thanks!!!!!!




JOHN M. ON MCRAE (7/17/00)

JOHN M.:

Hey what about Meredith McRae.....the Water Tower at Petticoat Junction will never be the same.......sing us another ditty Billie Joe....."Amazing Grace....how sweet the sound.....

THE GUYS:

We caught McRae's death over the weekend. We figured few of our "audience" would have recognized the name. Let us give that one a bit of thought. If you think Uncle Joe is a movin' kinda slow at the Junction, you outta get a load of Merideth.




HULK HOGAN WRITES US (7/16/00)

HULK HOGAN:

Have a little respect for people. Homepage.

THE GUYS:

You exhibit the clear lack of not only writing ability but good taste by using the phrase "bitten by the golfing bug" on your web page and you think we don't have respect for people? Not to mention, you call yourself Hulk Hogan. Really, how can we take you seriously?

Waiter, check please!




UH OH, HERE COMES MS. LEE. (7/10/00)

MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:

Well well well, hasn't this little site become a pissing match for some of the so called contestants, specifically a Mr. Chris D. I am shocked and quite frankly you have gotten my Southern Blood boilin' just a little bit. What is Mr. Chris D.'s problem anyway. Is it the fact that this piss-ant of a rascal wouldn't have the guts to stand face to face with an original member of the "Daughters of the People of the Soldiers of the Confederacy"? Is there something missing in his life, like say, a purpose???? Is it the fact that his picks in the pool have a better shot at having carnal knowledge with a Wooly Mammoth than dying. Oh pardon me , Chris D, you can put me on your list for next year. But I would be wary of a certain organization well known for taking care of people who don't quite show respect for a widow of one of the greatest military minds this country has ever seen. Of course by that I mean the PTL Club. Well , keep an eye open while you sleep chile, cause Mama Lee is on your patooty! Now, I "HOPE" to notch another point in this years competition.

THE GUYS:

You actually said "patooty". You're becoming scary.




DAVID G. ON FAME (7/10/00)

DAVID G.:

If you don't consider a person a celebrity, perhaps, you should reconsider using the AP as you fame standard. The AP includes obits on everyone from the sports world. Recently, someone in another pool scored with Ortho Davis, a trainer with the Philly Eagles, and Robert "rah" Scott, assistant football coach in Alabama. I'd recommend using multiple sources like 5 major papers, but setting a tougher standard like 2 or 3 obits out the 5. This would reduce the effects of local bias and sports mania.

THE GUYS:

We don't mind the AP rule actually. If someone picks a local celebrity and its in the AP we'll post it and they'll get the points. But, we ain't gonna start posting every half baked character that makes the AP. As anyone who has hung around dead pools for a while (as we know you have) knows, celebrity is often subjective.




CHRIS D. WON'T QUIT (7/7/00)

CHRIS D.:

Uh oh, another car driver bit it. Don't post him out of spite.

THE GUYS:

We won't post him because, as we've said before, NASCAR does not spawn celebrities, just cultural decay.




THERESA ON COCA (7/7/00)

THERESA:

I thought I heard recently that Imogene Coca had died. I saw her name on some of the entries, but it's not noted that she died. Check your records, I think she's toast.

THE GUYS:

Unless she died today and we haven't seen the obit yet, she's alive.




THE GUYS SPEAK OUT (7/7/00)

THE GUYS:

A few of you have already started asking why we're not posting a certain sports figure who bit it very recently. It's like this:

You get these kids who can play some ball. You throw tons of money at 'em. You'd think, at least you'd hope, that they would realize the amazing fortune they have. You'd figure that they would recognize that athletes generally have very short careers. You'd think they'd thank their friggin' lucky stars. "But Nooooo", as Steve Martin used to say. Instead these little shits spend their money on drugs, drink, and broads. Now, don't get us wrong, there ain't nothing wrong with those things...within reason.

So, once again we have a descent ball player, not a superstar, not a celebrity, who gains public press coverage due a wacky ass lifestyle. In this case it was a crazy domestic dispute resulting in the guy getting shot. The saddest part of the whole thing is the guy and his wife (the alleged killer) just had a baby seven days ago. There's a responsible couple.

Way to go folks. Most people bust their asses to make ends meet. You guys get handed an NFL contract and all the dough that goes with it and you decide to leave a little kid without a father. Welcome to the USA 2000.

Okay, we're done.

Oh, one more thing.....Duck season! Rabbit season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Panther season!!!!




HERE COMES CHRIS D. AGAIN (7/1/00)

CHRIS D.:

Perhaps you read the stunning news about the upcoming NASCAR event. NO, you say? Only Marvin and people who live in the South like that old bag Morguenolia follow race car driving? OK, fair enough. But Kyle Petty (Adam's father) is skipping this weekend's event in New Hampshire where his son died a few weeks ago. Now, don't get me wrong here; I like the whole Petty family. Anyone who can drive a car that fast is OK in my books - especially when you are trying to outrun the law. But does Kyle qualify as a celebrity - just so we can get it on the record right now? And if not, do any race car drivers?




CHRIS D. IS BACK AT IT (7/1/00)

CHRIS D.:

Upon taking my medicine, I had another thought. Do we really need to shake our bon bon? I have seen Springsteen three times this summer - there is no bon bon shaking there. Just wondering. Can I change my list mid year to put Morguenolia on my list? I know where she lives and may need to take her out. By the way, the reason that people keep wondering about Lou Ferrigno is that several people have told him that he and his career are dead, but he just can't hear them.

Remember, you suggested I take my medicine.

THE GUYS:

We'll refrain from commenting on Springsteen, though we really could do an excellent job. As for the remainder of your correspondence: 1) We like to eat bon bons. Other than that, we think the whole bon bon thing should stay in the barrio where it belongs (that'll get Marvin M. going), 2) List changes are not allowed, 3) We do not condone killing people (even if they are old, whit trash, bittys), and 4) Lou who?




CHRIS D. IS RAMBLING A BIT (6/24/00)

CHRIS D.:

Have you noticed that people only compain when less than true celebrities die and they think you should post them? I mean, try riding the number 7 train with John Rocker - that will really put the fear of death and showing up on your list into them. Adam Petty? I'm thinking that I could go out right now and drive my car 150 MPH and crash into some cement if I wanted to, too. And what's up with the crazy bitch from the South? Will someone please remind her that the war was lost by her beloved Clark Gable/Vivian Leigh wannabe's over 130 years ago. By the way, do you get extra credit if you know a guy from the underworld (Morgunoliea's cousin Bruno Lee) that can some of the people on your list out so you can win this pool? Hoffa could use some company, after all

THE GUYS:

It's time for your medicine.




ROBERT Y. LOOKS BACK ON AN OLD ONE (6/23/00)

ROBERT Y.:

In 1999 you said Esteller (Estelle) Jones didn't count in the death pool because the story wasn't in the AP. well, I found an AP article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, July 3, 1999 page G7. I don't think it will affect last year's standings, however.

Also of note: Maria do Carmo Jeronimo (also spelled Geronimo), 129, ex-slave, died June 14, 2000. Allegedly born March 5, 1871 in Brazil, she was the unofficial "world's oldest person," a footnote even in the Jeanne Calment obituary. (Brazil abolished slavery in 1888). Maria was featured in the Lee Atwater invitational, and nearly died several times in 1997 (strokes) and 1998 (heart attack). She was featured in Guinness as early as 1991. Definitely not someone you wanted to bet against. All those who bet against her in the past lost. Now that virtually no one bothered to bet against her, she dies!

THE GUYS:

We believe we saw both the Augusta and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution obits on Estella Jones. In both cases, the obits were local features not national AP obits. We repeatedly checked the AP obits at the time of her death and came up empty handed. We also went so far as to offer John & Jody 1 an opportunity to present us with an AP reference. Something they were unable to do. So, if you can dredge up an accurate AP reference, we will update our archives and make restitution if needed. In addition, we'll send ya a little prize too.

As for Maria do Carmo Jeronimo we have this to say....."so?"




JON S. CATCHES OUR FLUB (6/15/00)

JOHN S.:

Is Lou Ferigno 6 feet under? I know his career is. I also know that his alter ego Bill Bixby is dead.

THE GUYS:

Lou is alive. His career is dead. Our typo. Sorry, one too many dips into the punch bowl.




CHRIS M. LIKES US (6/14/00)

CHRIS M.:

Classic, classic, classic.

Give me the scoop on Kirk Douglas. I swore he was taking a dirt nap.

THE GUYS:

Kirk Douglas had a major ass stroke and now he talks like Lou Ferigno. However unlike Lou, Kirk is neither dead nor is he a large green superhero.

Glad to hear you like the site. Keep watching.




KEN Y. ARGUES FOR "THE RCOKET" (6/4/00)

KEN Y.:

Now, now. If it was just Maurice Richard, I would probably agree with you that one dead hockey player more or less isn't that big a deal. But this is Maurice "The Rocket" Richard, and when it comes to sports celebrities, you just can't overestimate the power of a cool nickname. (note: *cool* nickname, not one of the lame things that guy on Spotscenter uses...)




MARVIN M. GETS ALL ETHNIC ON US (6/3/00)

MARVIN M.:

With regards to your comments on Latin artists and their music, I don't see exactly where "Bang" your head against the wall type music, throwing your body into a smell of b/o and beer pit full of groping hands and fingers, (and probably something else which you may enjoy), and terror treble guitars such as the crap you listen to even justifies being played under water.

The music industry has gone to hell, YOUR music and their artists are the bandleaders. If you can't shake your Bon-Bon or listen to salsa rhythms and love ballads, I suggest you learn, or at least learn how to appreciate it. It's safer than losing your hearing, getting goosed in a pit and getting dropped to the floor, ending up with MDI, (mysterious drunken injury), such as your arm in a sling and/or Knots Head Landing.

THE GUYS:

Would someone please call the INS.




NATHAN HAS A POINT HERE (6/3/00)

NATHAN:

What about Maurice Rocket Richard, Eric Turner, Tex Beneke and the russian doctor who died in the helicopter crash?

No Malik Sealy or Jean Pierre-Rampal?

THE GUYS:

We mistakenly omitted "The Rocket" and will be fixing that. We reported and obitted Rampal. The rest of 'em....Uh, C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y.




TOM G. HAS AN INQUIRY (6/2/00)

TOM G.:

Out of anyone else, I figured that you guys would know the answer. Is Bob Hudson of the 1970's comedy troupe "Hudson & Landry" dead? I met Ron Landry of the group about 4 summers ago, and I didn't ask him. In the 1970's, this Hudson guy was ancient-looking and fat then, I figured that this guy has had to drop by now.

THE GUYS:

We haven't forgotten about you. We can't find a thing on Bob Hudson's death. So, we're gonna presume the poor bastard is alive.




AMBER CASTS SOME VERBAL STONES OUR WAY (6/2/00)

AMBER:

Jeez, you guys are losing your touch. No Johnnie Taylor? And is Vickie Sue Robinson dead or not? Those bozos at the Dead Pool say she is, but I think not.

THE GUYS:

We're loosing touch? We're loosing touch? You mention a nobody-cares-about-him like Johnnie Taylor and think we're loosing touch? Then you actually have the testicular wear-with-all to ask about Vickie Sue Robinson.

Loosing touch! Humph.

AMBER:

Alas, do not speak to me of obscurity when you find it in your heart to include Carl Albert! Is he on the radio 500 times a day? Of course, I live in the abode of the damned (Texas), so maybe radio doesn't suck as hard where you guys live.

But you know I still love you. More than you'll ever ever never ever know.

THE GUYS:

Carl, dear Amber, was damn close to president a few times. Now, given the reputation of that particular position in recent years, we can see why you'd think that Johnnie Taylor was a bit more famous. However, in general, Third in line for President, not once but twice, is a bit more celebrity in the grand scheme of things than some radio dude.

And Amber, we love you too. In a way that could land us in jail in some states.


DENISE HAS A QUESTION (6/2/00)

DENISE:

Know where i could find a pic of the spyder that j.dean died in?

THE GUYS:

Is this a riddle?




GINGER THINKS WE"VE FALLEN DOWN ON THE JOB (6/2/00)

GINGER:

Are you not sending out death notices anymore? I'm on the mailing list, but I haven't gotten a notice for the past 4 or 5 dead folks. What's going on?

THE GUYS:

We send bulletins out for every major death. The mail service we've been using is delivering them somewhat slowly however. You should have gotten one for Tito Puente. If not, you need to sign up for the list again. It may have bumped you.




TIM M. ASKS ABOUT VINCENT SCHVIALLI (5/31/00)

TIM M.:

Is this guy dead?

THE GUYS:

No, Vincent is alive and well. You can catch him in "3 Strikes" and "American Saint". Bith are set for release in 2000. BTW, he is only 42 years old. Why'd ya think he croaked?

TIM M.:

I heard it on a radio show but I thought he was still alive b/c I saw him recently on a cooking show.


LEE CHICK ALERT (5/28/00)

MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:

It is close to Memorial Day down here in he south and it brings back fond memories of some of those that have passed on. I remember when the General, you know my late husband.......used to get out into the old Rambler and drive the 14 miles into town to pay tribute to those that fought and died in the big war. I believed that he was shedding a tear in a most manly way each time he'd take that drive. On those days he would meet with his old war buddies and raise a glass to all the fallen comrades that served for this great country.

I would like to take this moment, in all seriousness, to thank all those who served so graciously and willingly for these great United States.

I'll be dragging this old carcass over to the Memorial Day Parade and pray for those that fought to keep our land free.

Then I'll have Huxley, you know my driver, bring me over to the cemetery where I'll cry for an hour or so for those that have departed.

God Bless America.

THE GUYS:

The only time the General was shedding a tear was on his trips home. As for raising a glass with his war buddies, we think it was more like getting piss drunk to forget who the hell he was married to. Finally, regarding your trip to the cemetery, be careful. They may think you're trying to escape and bury you again.

Poor Huxley. Poor, poor Huxley.




STU P. HAS A SERIOUS QUESTION HERE (5/26/00)

STU:

Isn't Mothers Day over yet??????

THE GUYS:

No.




MEDIA QUEEN UPDATE (5/25/00)

EVE:

Here's some impending death gossip....

Matthew Perry was told by doctors that he needs a new liver or he won't be able to play with his friends or star in bad movies anymore.

So I guess he's on two lists now.

THE GUYS:

Here's some other gossip. Matthew Perry is just plain annoying. So, who cares.




NATE, NATE PONTIFICATE (5/23/00)

NATE:

The month of May has by far been the most busy month this year for celebrity deaths. Steve Reeves, Cardinal O'Connor, Bill Musselman, Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Craig Stevens, Keizo Obuchi, Mick Jagger's mother, Jean Pierre-Rampal, Malik Sealy, Barbara Cartland, and Sir John Gielgud. Maurice Richard will probably be next then Eric Turner, Leah Rabin, and Whitey Ford. Perhaps Bob Hope too.

THE GUYS:

Or Bonnie Franklin. Who knows.




JOHN'S BEEN WATCHING PORNO'S (5/22/00)

JOHN M.:

I heard recently that Ron Jeremy the porno star died. Can you confirm this?

THE GUYS:

He's alive as far as we know.




NEIL M. ASKS ABOUT THE DEATH WATCH (5/18/00)

NEIL M.:

You sick, sick puppies. Looks like fun. You gonna do this in 2001?

THE GUYS:

You bet we are!




NATE THINKS HE'S SHARP (5/15/00)

NATE:

You're falling behind.

Coach Bill Musselman, Craig Stevens, Adam Petty, Keizo Obuchi all dead and not on the list. Also Eric Turner in a few days and maybe Leah Rabin. Mick Jagger's mother is sick too.

Seems like May has been busy after a slow April.

THE GUYS:

Petty was a punk ass NASCAR driver. Not only does his lack of recognition in the sport to date make him less than a celebrity, but NASCAR, in and of itself, doesn't produce celebrities... just overweight, beer swilling trailer park dwellers.....Next

As for the other people you named, we can read the obituaries you weasel. But we also can discern a C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y from just some dead dude. For the last time, they only get posted if:
1) They are really famous not just some kid with a bad driving record
or
2) They are on some ones list AND reported in the AP.
Now, if your uncomfortable with that, tough luck. Adam Petty, humph. Bet the whole damn racing family are competing for pawl position.

NATE:

Where the hell is Steve Reeves too. People are dropping like flies this month but apparently only the Cardinal and Fairbanks rate with you guys. I see what you mean. When Eric Turner dies will he make the list? How about Yitzhak Rabin's widow? Damnit all these people aren't very notable. The biggest death this year has been Charles Schulz, agree? Well looks like those rumors about Bob Hope's health are just that. He e-mailed me and said that he was flying to Washington for the opening of the Bob Hope Gallery. Also he still hits golf balls, and renewed his library card. He will make it to 97.




JAMES L. ON REEVES (5/10/00)

JAMES L.:

Steve Reeves of the Hercules movies died on 5-1-2000 according to the AP wire!!!!!!!!!

THE GUYS:

Yeah, so. Steve Reeves is not quite a household name. Ya know? Chris Reeves, now there would be a winner!




JOE W. ON THE STANDINGS (5/9/00)

JOE:

My uncontrollable shakes have ended with some good gigs for the funeral directors of late and most noteably, Doug Fairbanks Jr. I feel better now that I have at least 1 dead guy on my list. My most sincere congratulations to Mike R... Kickin' some serious dead butt. My black hat goes off to you. ( David G, Bill B, and Ron H, not too shabby either! ) I can only hope to reach your achievements some time in my future pool picks. Depending on how I end up, I might need some pointers. As I have seen from recent e-mail to Da Boy's, opinions and pointers about others people's picks tend to be common and free of charge in most cases. Hoping all those cold drafts you all are feeling are not "ones" from the other side bothering you because of your always funny but sometimes cruel obits. The cold drafts should really be cold draughts if you want my opinion. Barkeep!

THE GUYS:

Cruel obits. What ever do you mean?




A KEN PHILOSIPHY LECTURE(5/8/00)

KEN Y.:

When making my list, I like to imagine that I am living in a parallel universe where poolsters only pick *real* celebs for their list - ones they heard of before reading about some terminal illness, or noticing that the listee got picked a lot in last year's Lee Atwater. In that world, I'm fairing much better.

THE GUYS:

Uh, a parallel universe. Oh you live in one of those, that's for sure.

KEN Y.:

Did I mention that whenever I flip a coin, it always comes up heads?






BARON WANTS THE WEEKLY WRAP-UP BACK (5/8/00)

BARON:

Is the more extensive list definitely not available? I am sure I am not the only one who has asked this. I am sorry to hear about Douglas Fairbanks Jr.

THE GUYS:

The Weekly Wrap will only "come back to life" if someone other than the Guys wants to compile it. It just takes too much time.




STALKER ALERT (5/7/00)

STACEY THE STALKER:

Douglas Fairbanks Jr. Died at the age of 90. Thats all on that note. and Vicki Sue Robinson "disco diva, and One hit wonder... if you call, "Turn the beat around" a HIT, died of cancer on April 25th... I saw that one in People magazine.

As far as trivia goes, I've got Brad Pitt, and Don Knotts, but no leads on the other one... Its already may.... sigh....
AND
just in the "just in case you cared" category... Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie were married in Vegas, but I don't think he's divorced yet, so that's bigamy.... (civics lesson)

THE GUYS:

Puh. A civics lesson our eye.




RICHARD IS CORRECT (5/6/00)

RICHARD R.:

Kim Basinger- She's Crazy!

THE GUYS:

Not to mention that loopy Baldwin she's hooked up with.




JOHN M. ON REEVES (5/6/00)

JOHN M.:

Didn't know if you were doing a mention of muscleman Steve Reeves of Hercules fame......

THE GUYS:

We were not.




MARVIN M. THINKS WE'RE DAMNED (5/4/00)

MARVIN M.:

You are surely destined to go to Hell in gasoline soaked underwear for that obit comment.

THE GUYS:

We were going to hell long before that comment.




MIKE R. GLOATS A BIT (5/3/00)

MIKE R.:

No. 8 for me with the good Cardinal John O'Connor, 80, died May 3.

THE GUYS:

Already got it posted and updated. Unfortunately our automated mail server is for shit and has been sending out mail 1 to 2 days late. So, we suppose not only is the Cardinal late, but so is the O.B.E Bulletin regarding his demise.

BTW, you're kicking tail in the pool. We're proud of ya!




IS NATE KIDDING US? (5/1/00)

NATE:

Is Bob Hope gravely ill with only days to live?

THE GUYS:

Uh, for the past five years dude.




MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE GETS READY FOR THE CARDINAL (4/31/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

I have a cheer I would like to share with my fellow contestants. I overheard it at a young christians weekend social event.

"There you go cardinal o' connor there you go! (clap clap)
"There you go cardinal o' connor there you go! (clap clap)"

As the crowd said to Jesus in that lovely musical," Hey JOC, JOC would you die for me?"

THE GUYS:

We have a cheer for you too. We heard it at a bar on 187th street. It goes like this....
Kill da bitch.
Kill da bitch.
Kill da bitch.

Dig?




THAT LEE CHICK AGAIN (4/9/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

I just read your bulletin about Sylvan Rodriguez. Just terrible......terrible...terrible research on my part. I am just going to have to quit my volunteer work at the Greater Everglades Southern Hospitality & Tourism Society so I do not miss such blatent death pool fodder in the news. Well, I am off to the Jai Alai tournament down in Lochaloosa. I have some more confederate notes that are just a burnin' a hole in my sundress. (No wise cracks you younguns....) Bye the way, I am able to get that young Alien Gonzalees to come over for a visit before they deport his sorry ass! I mean really...all this hullabaloo over a seven year old boy. There has not been this much press about such a young boy since my husband, General Hudsucker "Cannonball" Lee admitted fathering a young black child way back when. But that is entirely another matter!

THE GUYS:

That wasn't a confederate note burning a hole in your pocket, it was the town's people igniting the tinder at the base of that stake they tied you to. Ya hag.




MARVIN M. MAKES A REAL FUNNY REGARDING SYLVAN RODRIGUEZ (4/8/00)

MARVIN M.

never mind...

THE GUYS:

Two f**king words and it was quite possibly the funniest email you've sent thus far!




MARVIN M. RESPONDS TO CHRIS D. (3/27/00)

CHRIS D.

Well Chris, let's see...I got a problem with the definition of celebrity and also sticking to the rules. Hence the blast on the AP. For example, Grover Washington Jr. gets a one hour posting, then the boy toy at the O.B.E. doesn't give him a pass into the mausoleum until I heckle the O.B.E. for three days. WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS PRODUCING THE MUSIC UP THERE RIGHT NOW ANYWAY? Not Ian Dury, that's for flipping sure. Ian gets a quick trip ticket thru the pearls. One day. And no I don't recall their hit, "Slap my blockhead with your stiff nightstick". Seems like earth isn't the only one with E-Z pass. Oh, and by the way, I never liked the Olsen twins, may they live long and prosper to become the oldest no-talent twins in show biz history. Two picks up in smoke there m'man. As far as Big Pun goes, I was pissed cause I always include at least one rapper on my list. It was he initially, then I opted for "Puffy the Cuff". Oh well. "Cuffy" still got time. Get it, Time.




REGARDING THE WEEKLY WRAP-UPS (3/26-30/00)

KEN Y.

Well, I read them. I sympathize with your decision though. A lot of time and effort spent on something that in the grand scheme of things, just isn't that big a deal. Their main use as I saw was that whenever someone sent you mail yelling "you missed the demise of (insert name of some crappy grunge band's lead singer or whatever)!!" you could easily say "No we didn't! Look, there it is!"

MEDIA QUEEN:

Hey, man--I read them!

JODY G.

Just wanted to let you guys know that not everyone just deleted the Weekly Wrap-ups without reading them. I always liked to read them, even if it was to just make sure that I wasn't on them!! ;)

BARON:

I am disappointed in the decisionto not get the weekly wrap ups! I am sure I am not the only one. Mabey a separate list vcasn be started for those who want to still get it?

THE GUYS:

It's like this....The Weekly Wrap-up took us about two hours a week to put together. Now, that may not seem like much, but it is. We already invest a good hour a day on this page. In addition, we spend at least an additional two hours when there is a death. Plus, there are quarterly meetings and there are tirivia games, and, well, not to be cry babies, but we don't see a stitch of dough. So, our regular jobs and families have won and we will no longer do the wrap-ups. Now, if one of you silly weasels want to take over that job, you just let us know. We'll be happy to bring you on board.




JOE MISSES DEATH (3/8/00)

JOE:

Hey guys. What's goin' on? No deaths in a long long time it seems. I'm starting to get some kind of withdrawal symptom because of it. Have you ever heard of this affliction before? I guess the only cure is an 'out of the blue' celebrity death. I'll sign off 'cause I'm starting to shake uncontrollably. C'mon Grim Reaper. Go get somebody would ya?

THE GUYS:

We have a feeling that a big one is coming in the next few days. Don't mean to tease you but we feel it in our bones. If we were Bob Hope, we'd be shittin' a pickle.




STU WANTS A SONG PARODY (3/8/00)

STU:

I WANT A SONG PARODY!!!

THE GUYS:

Unfortunately, you and Marvin M. were the ONLY two who ever wanted those contests. Too bad really, we liked 'em.




CHRIS D. ON DEATH (3/7/00)

CHRIS:

How come nobody has died? Can you check with God?

THE GUYS:

We put a call into the Almighty and the entity formerly known as God told us this.......

"Ask not of death but of grapes. Ask not of why but of what. Ask not of who is nobody but did somebody lay one?"

Man, why does God always talk like that?




NOT THIS LEE BROAD AGAIN! (2/29/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

Well, I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Confederate Hag Review! I'll have you know that the Daughters of the Sisters of the Confederacy is not an organization to be taken lightly!. We have our honour to defend and defend it we will. We are not the bible toting, grits chewing, pig roasting stereotypes you think we are. We have raised hundreds of dollars for local charities. Why just last week we sent $12.46 to the Brothers of the Fallen Arches, a non profit organization that telephoned my home seeking a donation to help veterans with.....well........fallen arches! Never you mind! So you young whipper-snappers from the dreaded Union States should refrain from such callous remarks about a kind old Southern Belle from the backwoods of the Okefenoke. Why, it is an insult to my ancestry and the souls who served for the great Confederate States! May the dear departed souls you mock rise up and infiltrate your underwear drawer and leave swamp juice stains in embarrassing places!

THE GUYS:

What can we say. Obviously you don't have mirrors in your house. That would account for the fact that you've never been so humiliated in your life. As for insulting your ancestery, you don't really need us for that, you're doing fine on your own. A few more emails and we think you'll have insulted clear back to the one celled organisms crawling forth from the primordial ooze. Oh, sorry, you're from that part of the world where they don't believe in that E-vo-lution stuff. We forgot.

Now, if you don't mind, please take your wrinkled, old, Bob Jones, confederate ass and high tail it outta here. We got important things to do. We think they're rerunning some of those old Love Boats tonight.






EVE ON HAZA (2/23/00)

EVE:

Ofra Haza? Awww, I kinda liked her....I looked it up--she died of "untreated flu"....rather strange way to go in this day and age....

THE GUYS:

DAMNIT! That's the problem in this friggin' country. You just can't enjoy her for her music. You gotta bring up the whole Jew thing.

Oh, shoot, sorry. You said flu. Our mistake.




FRANK ON OUR EMAIL (2/22/00)

FRANK:

Your email links on the OBE web site do not work; hopefully this is a good guess of reaching you.

THE GUYS:

Our email links seem to work ok with Netscape but have troubles with IE. We need to work on that. Sorry.

Obviously, we got your email.




INFIGHTING AT THE O.B.E. (2/19/00)

CHRIS D.:

What's up with Starvin' Marvin? He seems to have a thing about defending people. First, it's me and the Olsen Twins, now it's Big Pun? I mean the guys had an ass that caused the earth's gravitational pull to get us the closest we had been to the moon in 163 years. Too bad he wasn't closer to one of the Olsen twins, I could have used the half point.

Can I put Morguenolia Blossom Lee on my list next year? THE GUYS:

The Olsen twins must both die or no point will be awarded (no such thing as a half point).

You are welcomed to place anyone you want on the list. However, we doubt that Ms. Lee's death will be reported in the anything other than the Confederate Hag review.

As for Marvin, we have forwarded your email to him. We'll see what he has to say.




BRYAN ON OLIVER (2/17/00)

BRYAN:

Didn't know if you had heard this yet - from today's Salon Magazine...

Good morning, starshine. Goodbye, Oliver. William Oliver Swofford, the singer who had hits in the late 1960s with "Jean" and "Good Morning, Starshine," from the musical "Hair," died of cancer on Saturday at 52. The Earth says so long.

THE GUYS:

Uh, his career died LONG before him. Thus, he gets in the Wrap-up but not on the Big Board.




u WANTS TO KNOW WHERE ROGER IS (2/15/00)

TOM:

Hey- where's Roger Vadim, famous film director and one-time husband to Hanoi Jane Fonda?

THE GUYS:

Where's Roger Vadim you ask. Well Tom, we presume he's in a morgue somewhere awaiting burial. As for posting an obit, it ain't gonna happen. He simply isn't a hosehold name and does not appear on any entries. He was posted in the Weekly Wrap-up however.




CALISE HAS A, UH, RECOMMENDATION (2/13/00)

CALISE:

You forgot to list "Lonesome" Dave Peverett, lead singer for Foghat. Died of cancer.

THE GUYS:

Uh, Calise.......C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y. Foghat, really.

CALISE:

Elmo R. Zumwalt is a celebrity? Really! Still love your site tho. :)

THE GUYS:

If it weren't for the fact that one of our players had Zumwalt on their list, he wouldn't have been posted. There you are right, he ain't no household name. Our criteria for posting has always been and shall remain 1) a valid entry on a list, 2) a well known (household name) persona, or 3) Someone so funny we can't resist. Our criteria for a celebrity in the actual play of the game has been and shall remain anyone whose obit is posted in the AP.

We're glad you like our page. We do this for folks just like you. Keep watching....




STACEY GETS A HISTORY LESSON (2/13/00)

STACEY:

Tom Landry, (who's hat made an animated appearance in a Simpsons episode) passed away a few hours ago. On a lighter note, what is believed to be Frank Sinatra's first recording has been found in Hoboken...

THE GUYS:

Look here stalker girl. Sinatra's first recording is on that wax roll hidden down in Matt's basement, right where we left it. Matt, Steve, and Frank had had a bit too much J.D. one night and Frank, the clown, sucked backed a few doses of helium and proceeded to sing Amazing Grace in a falsetto that made Matt and Steve soil themselves. The Guys recorded the entire event on an old wax roll record. We saved that and the soiled skivies for memories sake.

That's Frank's first recording. The rest of this crap they're digging up in Hoboken is just hype.




EVERYONE'S A WRITER NOW (2/10/00)

STACEY:

Ernest goes 6 feet under!

EVE:

So did Ernest go to a funeral?

MORGUENOLIA:

Well, it seems to me that the next movie should be "Ernest Goes to the Morgue!"




GUESS WHO'S BACK? MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE (2/8/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

I am sitting at my personal computer and noticed that a lovely young man has passed on. I believe he was an illusionist some years back on the old Jack Paar show......well, anyway.....Mr. Henning always stopped by the local Winn-Dixie for tissues when he was passing through on his way to play the Ocala Grand Palace with his lovely wife Marilu Henning assisting him with his magical act. She is lovely as well. I loved her in that Burt Reynolds programme some years back. Well, that's that. The mail is here and I do have to walk quite a distance to the post box out by the blacktop highway. These legs just do not seem to co-operate as much anymore. Do send my love to Mrs Henning. And ask her if that is her in that Andy Kaufberg movie.

THE GUYS:

Forget calling Doug a young man. Henning was 52 or 53, that's a damn kid compared to you. As for Marilu Henner, she's some crackpot with a fad diet. Although both Henning and Henner are supposed to make things disappear, they are not related in any way, shape, or form.

Finally, Andy Kaufberg is the kid who cleans the gum from under the seats at our local cinema where, for your information, a Burt Reynolds picture has not played in years.

Having said all that, we hope you break a hip on the way to the post box.




MARVIN M. GETS ETHNIC ON US (2/7/00)

MARVIN:

Guess the first Latino rap artist to go double platinum didn't make the AP. Not that I like rap, but if you recall, he, (Big Pun) is the one I mentioned wanting to put on my list. He would get oxygen blasts backstage in between songs at his gigs.

THE GUYS:

First off, the only thing bigger in Latin music than Jennifer Lopez's ass was this guy Pun. To call him the "first Latino rap artist" is an insult. On size alone the guy was clearly the first three Latino Rap stars.

As for you almost putting him on your list....Well, that's about as valuable to you as those oxygen blasts were to the Punster.




EVE WITH A GOOD ONE (2/7/00)

EVE:

Click Here!

THE GUYS:

That, our dearest Eve, was a pisser.




AN OBSERVATION FROM MARIA (2/7/00)

MARIA:

Here's one for your list, Ms. Peggy Lee. As she lays in a hospital bed her loved ones go to bat for her suing everyone they can think of (Disney and a recording label) in an attempt to increase their inheritor coffers.

THE GUYS:

Their inheritor coffins?




A WATCHER HAS A QUESTION ABOUT THE WRAP-UPS (2/6/00)

TKD:

Doesn't everyone die of heart failure?

THE GUYS:

Ask JFK Jr.

TKD:

Blunt head trauma? Maybe your right -- small aircraft operators should be required to wear helmets. What about this fat load "Big Pun" down for the count at 28 and 500+ pounds? Heart attack? I'd say more like heart attacked by fat.




THE STALKER'S ON A DEATH WATCH (2/5/00)

STACEY:

Have you heard about Gene Wilder? No, he's not dead but he's had cancer for the past year!

THE GUYS:

Have we heard? Have WE heard? Come now, what do you think. We read obituaries every damn day. We scour the net for the ailing. We thrive on picking up info on the sickly hot off the presses. We do everything short of hanging around Emergency Rooms to check out admittance records and you want to know if "we heard." Jeesh.

P.S. Who's Gene Wilder?




JOE SAYS NICE STUFF ABOUT US (1/31/00)

JOE:

Great to be "in" this year. Followed along with your humorous obits and fun dead stuff last year and now that I've got a list entered it just makes your site all the more special. I've sent along my contribution to continue your funny exercise in the macabre. Keep up the good work Boys. Looking forward to a stiff one following this e-mail. Speaking of stiff ones, do you think at one point a few hours after his death you would no be able to budge Don Budge? Just wondering.

THE GUYS:

Thanks for for the kind words and your participation. We at the O.B.E. Memorial Celebrity Death Watch have always believed we provide a valuable service to the community. We stand for the great precepts that are the foundation of human nature. We hold the hands of the less fortunate. We give back to the community. We....aw crap, we don't do any of that stuff but we do run a pretty funny Web page. That's gotta be worth something.




JULIA ON OUR ART CASKETS LINK (1/29/00)

JULIA:

I want to thank you for the link to White Light, Art Caskets

I was having a hard time making up my mind which of the "Epilogue(s), echoing the richness of a life fulfilled" I want when I read: "Art Caskets, personalized for individual taste, are also available where time permits."

Well, time permitting, I am making an advanced order for one with the picture I had taken in Vegas with my head placed atop the body of a showgirl airbrushed life-size on the cover. I figure if I get it now I can use it for a storage cupboard until it is needed for its original purpose. Has anyone used this service? Any customer comments? Thanks in advance.

THE GUYS:

They also make great sleds for the kids in the winter months.




GRAEME'S TALKING ABOUT BLOODY MURDER (1/28/00)

GRAEME:

Hey guys, hope you can help me out. My name is Graeme and I'm a freelance journalist researching an aricle on celebrity murders. Could you give me a few names of more obscure celebs who've come to grief at the hands of a crazy fans.

THE GUYS:

Just to make it clear, our little game has to do with predicting the future through sheer guessing or hard research (whichever our players choose). It has nothing to do with murder whatsoever. We don't want murder, we don't like murder, and we will not discuss murder....

Psst......don't forget John Lennon.




MORGUENOLIA YAPS ON (1/27/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

Well I declare! I do believe that you fine young entrepreneurs have taken on some advertising. Is this the beginning of the end of this once proud and noble website? I believe you have degraded the memory of every soul whose spirit lingers on God's beautiful earth. I, for one, have always been reluctant to speak my mind, but you boys seem to bring out the fire in this tired , old woman. As God as my witness, I shall fight the corporate raiders that cannot seem to leave even the dearly departed alone. You'll be hearing from me.......Fiddle dee-dee....

THE GUYS:

Listen here you tired, old, saw dust in the panties, sow....

The only advertising on our page appears in a section provided to us by a FREE service. As a term of their service, they, not us, advertise. It's been like that for two years now. We simply lack the space to run the entire page of our meager ISP provided web space. Kinda like how you lack the teeth to chew most common breakfast foods.

If you'd like to open that moth infested purse of yours and kick out some of those confederate dollars you've been holding onto, I'm sure we'd be more than willing to purchase more non-advertising required space. Until such time, why don't you go back to watching those Dukes of Hazard reruns and keeping your immediate family from marrying.




SOME CZECH GUY TEACHES US A LESSON! (1/24/00)

PAVEL:

Sorry, Vaclav Havel is Czech Republic president.

THE GUYS

You are quite correct. Don't know how that got past us. It has been corrected. Thanks for pointing it out.




CHUCK WITH SOME NICE THINGS TO SAY (1/21/00)

CHUCK:

Your site is extremely amusing. I'm really bummed out that I missed the entry deadline, but I'll check you out at then end of the year. Congrats on the funniest site I've read in a while.




MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE (1/20/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

I was thinking today about the first time I saw Hedy Lamarr in Orlando. My, she was quite the recluse. Only came out at night to get her newspaper under cover of darkness. I guess I should tell her paperboy to discontinue service. I mean, how will he collect the money? By the way, the weather down here is simply divine. In fact, I believe I'll have my evening cordial by the lemon tree tonight.

THE GUYS:

We were thinking today about euthanasia. We came to the conclusion it was cruel and just plain wrong. Then we got your e-mail and reconsidered our position. As for Hedy's paperboy, we recommend you comply with the restraining order and stay away from the poor kid. Finally, we didn't realize that a shot of Mylanta and a warm water enema was considered a cordial but we suppose you can call it whatever you like.




KEN Y. ON HEDY (1/19/00)

KEN Y.:

Her acting always was a bit on the stiff side, I don't think that'll change much either.

Seriously though, Hedy gave one of my all-time favorite Hollywood quotes: "Any girl can be glamorous: all you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Not sure, but I think she was talking to Carmen Electra.

THE GUYS:

Hedy was wrong. Take a good look at Rosie O'Donnell?

KEN Y.:

Ah, but Hedy did say you're only supposed to *look* stupid.




DAVID G. MADE US LAUGH (1/19/00)

DAVID G.:

Hi guys, it must be Prince spagetti day, cause crooked, old Bettino Craxi died. I can't let that MIRICH guy get too far ahead.

THE GUYS:

The "Prince Spaghetti Day" comment was a true pisser! And yes, the check is in the mail (uh, as of tomorrow). Computer problems at O.B.E. central brought things to a grinding halt for a few days. But, ......we're back.




DARRELL IS SCARY (1/19/00)

DARRELL:

I love the descriptions, they are in that "this is real fuck up" category. Please know I mean that in the best possible way. I still can't stop laughing about the guy who's record is standing, but he's not. You're sick, I mean as a compliment.

THE GUYS:

Man, and we thought our typos and grammar were bad.




WE THINK THE STALKER LIKES THE TRIVIA GAME (1/15/00)

STACEY:

TRI - VI - A, TRI - VI - A, TRI - VI - A - god I need to get a life....







SCOTT REMINDS US HOW POORLY WE SPELL. (1/13/00)

SCOTT:

Hi. Love your site. Miss Hepburn's first name is spelled Kath(a)rine.

THE GUYS:

Our spelling just plain sooks or is that siicks oh, crap, we think it's suks. Well, anyway, you get the idea. We fixed the error. Thanks!




MORE FROM GARY H. DOES HE LIKE US OR NOT?(1/13/00)

GARY:

It was a reference from Shakespeare's Richard III -- a play by a dead guy about a dead guy. I thought you'd get it since you are the experts on dead folks. By the way, make sure your participants learn to spell. It's Katharine Hepburn, not Katherine Hepburn.

THE GUYS:

1) In defense of our participants, it is we who are the crappy spellers, not them.

2) Regardless of the source of the quote, our question still stands. The idea being that many feel this type of thing is rude, malicious, etc yet are quick to point this out with similar or, we believe, worse rude, malicious statements is frustrating and clearly hypocritical.

We have always taken the stand that our page offers tribute and humor. Granted, the inference that our players wish people dead is hard to get away from. But having met numerous very fun, very funny, and very kind people through this little endeavor, we can assure you that it isn't about wishing people dead. It's about who is at a point where life is gonna deal them the inevitable. It's about being able to predict that. It's about who you, versus who we, believe is famous. It's about looking back and saying, "Oh shoot, is he still around. He was great in...." And above all else, it's about laughter. Now that ain't gonna change everybody's mind, and many will still feel we suck the pus from infected wounds, but if you're not pissing someone off, you really aren't alive anyway.

3) Shakes who? Pierre? Must be French.




GARY H. HAS SOME HATE MAIL FOR US (1/12/00)

GARY:

This entire exercise is sick and disgusting. May the ghosts of those you wish dead haunt you in your sleep, bring upon you hairy backs, eternal halitosis, deformed children, and annual I.R.S. audits.

THE GUYS:

You forgot to mention grotesque, tastless, and utterly uncalled for. So explain to us, is attempting to predict what famous people might die in a given year less sick or more sick than wishing for deformed babies to be born. We were just wondering.




MARVIN ON SOME ENTRY PICKS (1/2/00)

MARVIN:

wouldn't the olson twins and backstreet boys count as 2 and 5 separate picks respectively?

THE GUYS:

We agree. The entry of groups is really outside the realm of the rules. However, we'll let the entries stand with the understanding that ALL the Backstreet Boys would have to die in order to get the one hit (or both the Olsen Twins).

Silly of those entrants to waste the spaces, but funny you must admit.

Congratulations again on really cleaning house with the monthlies. Your prize is on it's way. It's friggin' really swell.




MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE GETS MOUTHY (1/1/00)

MORGUENOLIA:

Well, my heavens, it seems that the little boys at the OBE haven't been busy working on the website. It reminds me of an old southern adage "The early bird is usually earlier than everyone else" I don't know what that means, but I am sitting on my rocking chair in the Florida room enjoying some sunshine and thought I would check out the OBE. To my utter and complete surprise, it looks no different than yesterday. Now don't get me wrong, I am not commenting at your lack of alacrity. Now my deceased husband, bless his soul, General Hudsucker B. "Cannonball" Lee would have marched your little fannies into that room until something was done about this. Now I am counting on you to correct this quickly fellows. Well, my sippin' tea is ready and I must leave now. Bless your little morbid hearts.

THE GUYS:

We're busy working on populating the entries page as you sit back and sip mint julip ya old hag.

MORGUENOLIA:

So nice of you fine gentlemen to have updated you precious little ol' website. You are to be commended for your swift actions in updating the website. I hope y'all have a fine year filled with death!!!




MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE THROWS IN 2 CENTS (12/31/99)

MORGUENOLIA:

Good luck to all my fellow deathies.
This year will undoubtedly be special since someone I picked died before the new year.
Time to take a dip in the cement pond.
Happy New Year, y'all.

Back to the Archives